A Weapon of Mass Seduction

Magick & Manifestation Course

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Captain's Log, 3.29.18

Hey guys. Watch out for anyone telling you the spiritual path or awakening process or twin flame journey "definitely" looks a certain way. While there are hallmarks and patterns of these phenomena, DO NOT let anyone tell you there HAS to be suffering, running/chasing, martyrdom, empath blues, separation, or pain of any kind.

Yes, we have language so we can describe things to each other. And in the beginning, the language is necessary so we can figure out what the fuck is going on. But attaching to the language means limiting the ways the journey can show up. There are a million different ways your path can happen, and the only true way to discern is to look for the signs that speak to your heart. Don't allow yourself to attach to the language you read so much that you deny anything that happens in your journey that you haven't already read about.

Of course, sometimes spirit can speak to you through text, too. You'll know because the sentence will jump out at you; it'll be the part you want to quote or highlight. It'll be the tweet you fav or the video you bookmark. You'll feel movement in your heart when the words hit. Then yes, that's spirit talking to you. But that's very different from taking some twin flame article written by a human mind and believing each word is truth, to the point where you allow it to override the truth of your journey. (Honestly at some point you'll reach a place where you're reading along like "yup... yup... preach... hmm nope... bullshit... ok I see what they were going for but not exactly... ok yup... yup...")

We all overthink at first, because we're so overwhelmed with the newness and weirdness of expansion. This is ok. We're in new terrain and we need a map. Totally understandable. But remember, THE MAP IS NOT THE TERRAIN.

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And at some point, you're just in the terrain. You know it like the back of your hand. You know when spirit is speaking to you and you know how to communicate back. You know how to work your timelines. You're the master of your own reality, the facilitator of your own experience. You have your council of advisors both earthbound and astral but ultimately you are the Queen/King of your domain.

It happens sort of the way that nobody can teach you magick better than magick itself. The results you get once you start practicing speak for themselves to show you exactly how they work. Each spell you cast refines and refines your skill set. Of course it would unfold that way. Of course that's just the logical progression.

So look to the language as long as you need to, as long as it serves you. But don't forget that you will gently, gently loosen your grip on it over time. You may even come to a point where you have a hard time expressing yourself in words, but you won't care, because you'll be so very much in your heart.

Just remember that that's where you're headed.

And it's ok not to be there yet, but it helps to be oriented in the right direction.

The Healing Power of Television

(...no I'm serious)

Recently on twitter a cosmic advisor I follow (@batshaahar) posted that things like meditation, breathwork, or positive thinking could serve as an escape mechanism just as easily as things like tv, social media, or weed.

I agreed with her and posited that the corollary could also be true - that tv, social media, and weed could be just as healing as meditation, breathwork, or positive thinking, if used correctly with intention.

I've never been a tv fan, traditionally. I didn't even own one in NY and the one in my apartment now I hide behind a hutch so it doesn't disrupt the decor. I still don't have cable; I just use it to play dvds.

But in the past year I've found myself on Netflix more often, and I've discovered that the right movies and tv shows that call to me can actually impart deep spiritual lessons, if I'm listening.

There's no doubt in my mind, for example, that The Magicians crossed my path right when I needed to learn about quantum time. (Fair warning though, while the lessons were useful, I found myself having to slough off a bit energetically after watching, due to the low vibrations of some of the characters.)

Travelers (recommended to me by Monique Darling) was an even more in-depth exploration of quantum time, and an instructional guide to balancing your soul mission with your human life. It was also a thought exercise in trusting the divine plan.

I then watched Extraordinary Homes, which provided an amazing expansion of consciousness into thinking about how it's possible to join the comforts of luxury architecture with living in harmony with surrounding nature, and gave me a renewed appreciation for the beauty of our planet and an idea of the possibilities I'd like to allow myself for how I live on this planet in the future.

After seeing my posts about Extraordinary Homes, my friend Yerasimosrecommended Chef's Table, and I watched the first episode last night. In it (as I posted a video of earlier) was the story of a man's restaurant career success taking off because of an accident on the highway causing traffic that made Italy's greatest food critic stop for dinner in his restaurant, follow up with a glowing review two days later, and then award him Chef of the Year in his magazine. This exactly mirrored sentiments I'd been receiving this week from my healer Katherine and reader Kara that I should allow for more possibility for my music success to show up as a complete surprise delivered by the universe since, not unlike the chef, I'd already set the intention in motion and maybe didn't even realize how much work I'd already done.

There's no question in my mind that spirit put these shows in front of me as the most efficient way to bring me these downloads.

(And of course I nearly forgot Queer Eye - possibly the most healing show on television today, offering templates of nurturing, intimacy, self-care, and energetic embodiment to those bastions of patriarchy that need it most right now.)

Now that's not to say that all television is going to do the same thing, and most importantly, remember that just because something is good tv doesn't mean it's raising your vibration. I've heard amazing things about the writing of Breaking Bad but I have absolutely no interest in watching a white dude with a meth lab, because I don't feel in any way that that's going to tune me in with the beauty of the world. The question is not whether the tv show is "good," it's about how it makes you feel and what it teaches you.

I like meditation and spiritual courses and group rituals and ceremonies but I'd feel pretty bored with life if I believed they were the only places you could find magick. Magick can be found in the everyday, and some days I'd rather get high and watch tv than meditate, so if I'm going to do that I might as well do it in a way that feeds my soul.

Magick vs Self-Help

What I like about teaching magick instead of "self-help" is that it doesn't have to stop when you're healed.

You can absolutely use magick to set healing intentions and transform your life from the rut you feel stuck in to a world where you feel whole and happy, which is the goal of self-help.

But with magick, you get to keep playing. You don't have to stop when you're healed, and you don't have to keep on being in pain in order to utilize it. You can decide to never run out of new dreams to manifest, newer and bigger spells to cast. You can start painting with different colors, get creative, build new and interesting realities in the same way you might take a vacation to another country - just to have an adventure and see what it's like for a bit. You can hone your skills into mastery if you want, and if you get that far, you can start using your powers to help transform the world. In fact, if you reach that point in your learning process, it's inevitable you'll be enlisted into greater service, whether by your human colleagues, spirit, or both.

That's why I feel good about teaching this: I don't need people to be in pain to find value in it.

I can help those who are in pain, of course. But their healing doesn't mean I have to lose them as a client.

So I get to avoid that nasty dynamic by which one's sales success can end up, just by nature of the product, dependent upon convincing people they're broken.

Which in seeing all the issues cropping up with "self-help" gurus lately is a balm to my soul.

If you're in pain, I want to help you.

But I don't want to keep you there.

I want you to move on to the advanced stuff with me and see what realities we can create together from a place of wholeness. I want to create a pack of genius magicians who are constantly playing and creating and challenging each other. I want us, ultimately, to look at magick like we do academia or art or cooking or any other knowledge-based skill set we pursue because we simply have a passion for it.

Because I would never want to create a reality where you to need to be hurting to work with me.

Energetic Justice

A quick discussion on energetic justice:

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Me:

"Follow your dreams" is nearly irrelevant until you've healed your core wound, because until you've healed your core wound you might not be able to discern what your dreams truly are.

Wounded dreams are the dreams you think will make others like you.

Healed dreams are for yourself.

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Person on twitter:

on the one hand this is touching and beautiful and high gratitude to the author for it. on the other hand my unhealed dream is to make every single motherfucker pay and im not interested in any healing that would defer this particular dream.

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Me:

I mean you definitely get to choose that if you want but I wouldn't personally recommend it. Once you release attachment to having your restitution come from a specific person and instead allow it to come from where the universe chooses, you get much happier.

Basically the math behind this is that if you need it to come in through a specific pipeline, you are limiting the channels by which you may receive it. If you allow it to come from anywhere it will move like water and find the quickest path.

It's not easy to let go of the need for your reparations to come from your oppressors but once you do? Oh man, it's just freedom. It's heaven. It's rainbows and lollipops all day.

I only did it because my healer asked me to, and I was paying her good money so I followed her instructions.

She said, "Are you willing to allow the universe to make it up to you and not your ex? Because I guarantee you, the universe is WAY better at it than he is."

I paused and then simply said, "Yes."

I wasn't enthusiastic about it at the time. But I had hired her, and I trusted her expertise. What was I going to do, say no?

All it took was a word. All it took was my speaking an allowance for the possibility of it to show up that way.

I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm a creator of my own reality, and I paint in wild, fantastical brushstrokes. It takes effort sure but now anything is possible.

And my ex is miserable yeah but the vengeance was leaving him in that prison of his own making.

And sure, I rejoice in some ugly truths about him being exposed and the ensuing embarrassments, but that's an easy topple, energetically speaking - that's just revealing what's already there. I didn't need anything from him. That was the universe's work too.

Vlog - On Being Easily Offended Vs Cultivating Sensitivity in the Age of #MeToo

I share my thoughts on fixing the current scare culture in heteronormative sexual relations.

 

 

Wounds and Fantasies

My fantasies changed when I healed my core wound, but it might be more accurate to say that I healed my core wound by changing my fantasies. Once I saw the correlation between my problematic fantasies and my toxic relationships I was unable to get turned on by them anymore.

As I've said before, my sexual orientation as a submissive was a way of enabling my inability to set boundaries and justifying my feelings of unworthiness of equal partnership. Once that clicked for me, I had to start coming up with a fantasy life where I was allowed to say no.

It occurred to me (probably far later than it should have) that there are people who can just be submissive for a few hours at a time without letting their dominant partner completely pillage their entire lives?? I would have once disdainfully called them weekend warriors.

I wouldn't say it was easy giving up my submission (literally, at the time, my favorite - sometimes only - source of pleasure), but once I saw that it was what was holding me back, I had faith there would be better things waiting for me on the other side. It was a no-brainer. There was a long dry spell where I had no idea what turned me on. I had to, in a way, actively seek out a rich fantasy life in which I was treated with care and respect. I was like, where do I even start with that? ALL of my fantasies had involved the removal of my agency. Part of that was because I had been conditioned to believe that it was dangerous for me to need or want things, especially in my relationships with men, but I remember fantasizing about hardcore fucked up power exchange long before I should have known what it was. I'm talking age 4 or 5. I didn't even connect those narratives to what we think of as BDSM until my 20s. So I truly believe I came into this lifetime with this to transmute, because I can't find any other explanation.

I've obviously done a lot of inner work around this but the element I believe is neglected in the discourse is that I absolutely could not have made these changes without consciously altering my sexual fantasies. I won't say this has to be true for everyone but for me, I guess my inner fantasy life is something I commit to really hard. And I guess you don't get a lot of warnings about that in the BDSM scene - since I was consenting to it, I saw no problem letting men ruin my life. Once I found fulfilling sexual fantasies where I was cared for, respected, and cherished - importantly, FOR JUST BEING MYSELF, not for my sacrifices - it was so much easier to navigate away from partners who were obviously not a fit for that.

Anyway I know I have talked at length about the importance of sexual freedom, and more recently about its limitations. Sexual freedom is necessary, but it won't solve your problems, and it's often pitched to you like it will. The truth is, your problems can HIDE themselves in sexual freedom, because sexual freedom is necessary, and your problems are smart enough to know they'll be free from attack there. I know how sacred our fantasy lives are and that's why no one wants to come for them. Our sexual expression is supposed to be a sanctuary. Any questioning of them smacks of judgment and shaming. Trust me, I remember.

I defended my right to choke on lit cigarettes for fuckboys like it was the hill I was prepared to die on - and let's be honest, it was.

And I know it sounds impossible to say with a straight face, Hey, no problem, just CHANGE WHAT TURNS YOU ON. Like you've ever been told that that's under your control in a way that wasn't trying to repress you for others' comfort.

But for me, I decided, consciously, to hack into my core erotic narrative and choose a fantasy that would actually be healthy for me to live out in real life. Because apparently I DO live them out in real life. And I realized that all along a part of me had been terrified to be caught wanting tenderness, because I guess I was afraid someone was going to make fun of me. But eventually I was too sick and tired of the other thing to let that stop me anymore. And I'd already proved in my toxic relationships how strong and capable I was, and so I finally was able to justify my deservingness of care.

Anyway. Don't be fooled. Nothing in your life should be safe from examination. Not even your sexual fantasies, as much as we like to box them off and pretend they exist in some other space that ISN'T creating our reality.

Yeah I call bullshit.