A Weapon of Mass Seduction

Captain's Log, 2.18.18

The cool thing about trauma healing, I think, is that it's actually a process you can continue past your trauma being healed. If you imagine trauma healing initially as taking your car in for repairs, think of going back to the auto shop with a perfectly functioning car and adding more features, upgrading the engine. Once we're at the edge of our healing, we can begin to explore the rest of our potential. In many ways, the same momentum can keep unfolding in a manner that will at that point have very little to do with your trauma. That's a point of freedom worth looking forward to, in my opinion.

Captain's Log, 2.17.18

Let's get something very clear.

When I decided I wanted different results in my life, I was in a very low place. I had been dumped on my birthday a second time. I was engaged in a horrific toxic spiral that had finally become too much even for me - desensitized, I-don't-feel-pain me - to bear. A friend had caught me saying something horrible about myself and called me out on it, remarking that it was evidence of how badly my abusers and assailants had poisoned my own well against me, and I saw for the first time how far I had fallen.

At that point (fall 2015), I had already invested a significant amount of money into learning magick, although I had not yet surrendered to it. I knew how to manipulate energy but I was using it to try to fit square pegs into round holes, rather than using it to rise above and see my true worthiness of my destiny (for lack of a briefer term). But having attended regular classes at The Green Man and House of Intuition I was already significantly invested in my skill set.

When I saw the problem - or more accurately, when I saw the tip of its iceberg - I sought a professional for help (summer 2016). That's when the universe, in the form of mutual friends, sent me Katherine Gerardi, and I invested a low amount in an initial session, thinking we could clear what was necessary in the span of a few weeks (ha!). When all my trauma came tumbling like boxes out of a closet, I upped my investment and I continue to invest in her work to this day - and to my credit I am better than ever at knowing what I need and helping her help me.

When I started to see the incredible depth of the work ahead of me (Feb 2017), I surrendered and prayed. I prayed for my healing to be swift and painless. I helped others and asked for their prayers in exchange. Healers began coming out of the woodwork to assist me because they saw my commitment to my growth in my posts and essays - some who volunteered to work with me for free or at sliding scale rates (in some cases I was able to make donations to people months after the fact, when it turns out they needed it most). Whatever I needed, whatever I felt a deep resonance with, the money was there, in some form or another. If I couldn't afford it, well, I didn't really need it.

So if you want to know how I got to where I am today, in early 2018? It's because I worked my ass off, I surrendered to giving up my most precious coping mechanisms, things I never in a million years imagined living without (the bondage rings installed on my expensive bedframe are reduced now to a rather embarrassing relic), and because when I needed help I wasn't afraid to pay for it.

Don't come to me and marvel at my journey like it's something extraordinary when you haven't been willing to invest in yourself. Don't come asking for my help if you're not prepared to throw down as hard as I did. I will help you, I will teach you everything I did and show you exactly the steps to doing it. But you have to be serious. If you're not, don't come to me asking me how I did it and flip-flopping on your own commitment when I could be using that time making more FREE CONTENT for EVERYONE to learn from. I'm happy to answer your questions but trust me, I know when you're serious and when you're not.

The point is, I did it. And I can teach you how to do it too. But you have to be as serious as I was when I started. You have to be just as ready. Until then, flirt with enlightenment all you want, enjoy my posts and videos, that's what they're there for - but please leave me my bandwidth to use on those people who want to make actual changes. We're in an ascension and time is of the essence. Move or be moved.

Captain's Log, 2.12.18

This is a message channeled for me one week ago by galactic ambassador David Jonathan Hrostoski:

"There's a chunk of your energetic system that gets to be reclaimed from what others perceive you as.

You already act in deep accordance with your being, so there's an invitation to call back your energy from the mental processes that map what others think.

Your messages will dial in quickly from this too, and spread further and quicker.

People will think what they want, but that actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their perception.

AND it's actually very very aligned and perfect for you to trigger others because that gives them an external reflection to project all their internal struggles onto *so that* they can see it.

You're helping people see themselves by allowing the judgments.

Know that, own that, let it happen, and call back your energy from having to look at it or address it.

That added energy bandwidth will make you even more powerful, which will make even more people judge you, which will help them see themselves even more.

It's all perfect. 👌🏻"

Wow.

As I replied to David, the part about calling my power back from others' perceptions is very true and is something I have been working on for over a year now, though the programming runs deep. Essentially, crippled through trauma by an inability to discern my own needs and wants (dissociation/desensitization cutting me off from the emotional body), I focused on tuning into others' needs instead, until a large chunk of my operating system was dedicated to measuring every single action I took by whether it brought me closer to or farther from the love I wanted. It was all unconscious until last year and I had no idea how much it was draining me - like running a huge app in the background taking up a ton of bandwidth I wasn't even aware of. And I'm ready to be done with that now. It's long overdue.

It's no surprise that I hardly recognize myself the more I tune in to my emotional body and follow my heart. There are times I watch myself (I watched the playback of my first two classes last night to see where I could improve as a lecturer) and I can barely believe the words coming out of my mouth - how did I end up here, just by being unafraid of expansion? I'm still surprised over the fuss about my album, not because I'm being falsely humble about its quality but because of all the growth I had to do in taking myself seriously as an artist since the last album 3 years ago in order to call in this much of a difference in its reception.

I remain, as I have throughout this process, open to constructive and compassionate feedback from those who have a personal relationship with me on how I can show up for them better as a friend, lover, or colleague. I always like clear requests, because it makes my job easier.

But as for my attachment to people's perceptions of me, I'm no longer in alignment with that exhaustion. And if I'm upsetting people with the ways that I'm growing, they're allowed to practice their discernment and bow out, or examine what their perceptions mean for themselves. I'm not interested in forcing connections of any kind, because I'm attuning myself to the vibration of my soul mission, which can't be forced. I'm interested in going where the love is.

This journey humbles and softens me more every day. But it also calls me to release what isn't mine, and so I'm no longer worried about that. I have never not been able to plant new seeds on a scorched earth.

I'm not curtailing my expansion for anyone's comfort. What you think about me is none of my business.

Who Can You Trust - Arden and the Wolves'

So today is the day. My baby's out in the world. 

Click here to listen: https://onerpm.lnk.to/WhoCanYouTrust

There's two things I want everyone to know about this album:

The first is that I absolutely could not have done this on my own. First off I owe credit to my right-hand man Mr. Stacy O'Dell, who saw this process through with me from start to finish. At the end of the day, it was Stacy who took my melodies/lyrics and constructed them into full-blown songs, and who compiled all the stems together into the final mix, not to mention tracking guitar and half the bass. Stacy, you're the man - thank you for putting up with me and all my crazy ideas. I also could not have created this without the work of Jeremy Dawson., who engineered my vocals, helped me compose harmonies, and performed synths/keys and the other half of the bass. Thank you for not letting me suck (that's what she said). Nick Mason, the band's longest-standing member other than myself, performed the album's drums as engineered by Dusty Schallerand Justin Jc Gariano (save for the title track performed by Marc Slutsky), and provided experience and leadership in helming the live show. Kenny Ende also added a searing guitar solo.

In addition I have the excellent photography skills of Aaron Mann and the graphic design prowess of Anthony Dominic Montemarano to thank for the beautiful digital booklet. I have Allan Amato to thank for the brilliant cover art, that he somehow both shot and hand-modeled for.

I also would not be able to bring this music to you without my live band, consisting of not only the album's drummer Nick Mason but also bassist Rick Brandt and guitarist Marko Jankovic. I am so grateful to have a team that is so talented and gels so well onstage.

Furthermore I owe my thanks to my manager Matt Bacon, for putting up with me for the past almost-two years even when I avoided his phone calls because I was so deep in my healing I couldn't get any work done. Thank you for believing in me even when I had nothing to show for myself except my faith in the process.

And of course I have my spiritual guides and healers to thank - Katherine Gerardi, Yerasimos Stilianessis, Kara Kimbria, Katherine Bird, Sophie Grégoire, and many friends and soulmates who are acknowledged in the booklet - without you I would still be writing songs about bad decisions and justifying it under the guise of rock and roll. Thank you for helping me prove I'm even cooler when I'm healed.

That brings me to the second thing I would like everyone to know about this album:

The second thing I would like everyone to know about this album is that I facilitated it from start to finish. I don't know if yall know this or not but I don't have a label or benefactor behind me - at the end of the day it was all on me to bring this to life. There was not a single creative decision that I did not sign off on, even when that meant trusting the genius of my collaborators to work their magic with just a few key words from me as guidance. I chose everyone I brought onto this project based on the artistic resonance I felt with them (with the exception of a few people Stacy chose because I trusted him), and I paid them the rates they quoted me, because I understood that believing in their value is actually ultimately the same as believing in my own. I wasn't always the best team leader - there were times that there were breakdowns in communication that only I can assume responsibility for, because somehow I unconsciously felt that asking my team to communicate with each other was too much support to ask for, even when it would have made everyone's lives easier in the long run. But I learned from it, took full responsibility for everything that happened, and compensated everyone for their time when they had to fix my mistakes.

There was a point during this process that the same epiphany occurred to me about my healing - that I couldn't do it on my own, but that nobody was going to be responsible for it but me. For too long I had gone to therapists and practitioners and essentially said "Fix me" - not understanding that only I had that power, and that I needed to both hire people to do what they're good at and also oversee the entire process myself.

That's the paradox, essentially - we cannot do everything by ourselves, but ultimately we are the only ones responsible for our results. I learned a lot during this process, and this was one of the greatest takeaways. It is up to us to facilitate our own experience.

I'm deeply proud of this work and greatly humbled by the warm and enthusiastic reception it's received so far. It's my joy to share it with you all today, and I hope there is something in it that nourishes and restores you as it did for me.

Love,
Arden
♥️🐺

https://onerpm.lnk.to/WhoCanYouTrust

***

"There is no doubt that Arden and The Wolves have achieved a level of musical supremacy most bands search for their entire career yet rarely scratch the surface of." - AlternativeNation.net

"Los Angeles Indie Rockers, Arden and the Wolves, are set to make a splash with their mystical energy and creative musical style that leaves listeners weak in the knees." - Tattoo

"The EP features a hot cover version of Poison Heart, originally by the Ramones, perhaps the best remake of a cover ever done." - The Indie Source

"Leigh conjures a post-traumatic future with her powerful voice and steady lyrical hand... Arden and the Wolves spin the magic overall on this one." - Scallywag Magazine

"Those who are familiar with other female-led alternative acts like Evanescence, Paramore, and Nightwish will immediately fall in love with Arden’s vocal prowess as the familiar wail is unmistakable. Leigh, however, is not just a clone of those who came before her, or whose inspirations she clearly draws from, as her unique vocal inflection. A voice as strong as Leigh’s can break through barriers with thought-provoking, powerful lyrics, and she definitely knows this. Her lyrics draw from her personal struggles and speak of a strong woman who perseveres through all adversity." - ABORT Magazine

"The highlight of the songs is Leigh's voice, which is prevailing, yet dominant and muscular, yet piquant. It's a great voice capable of evoking a spectrum of emotional auras ranging from severely elegant to pensively austere. Who Can You Trust is better than good and approaches excellence. The darkwave/pop/rock melodies present a beguiling luster, while the rhythms project heady infectious attributes." - Blogcritics

"On Who Can You Trust, Leigh’s energized performances makes this burning music to get out and be heard. Backed by Nick Mason (drums), Rick Brandt (bass), and Marko Jankovic (guitar), the group proves that there is no match for these hard working contenders." - The Celebrity Cafe

"If you're into Scandal and other female-fronted 80's rock, you're gonna love this." - Now Hear This Music

https://onerpm.lnk.to/WhoCanYouTrust