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Arden, would you consider setting up a tip jar through paypal, or a patreon? Your content is always great, and perhaps with this more of your readers could pay you for it, even if they can't/won't buy an hour of your individual attention.

Arden Leigh

Yes actually, my paypal is [email protected], same as my contact email. I'm working on setting up a Patreon. Thanks for asking. :)


Hey Arden, I'm one of your random FB friends (and fellow east coast/LA transplant). I'll have you know there is an inexpensive yet amazing urgent care in Westchester called New Care Clinic. $75 just to be seen and they can give you antibiotics right there. That is all. :)


I don't know if it's something you'd be interested in, but some of the blogs I read have one of those "If you enjoyed this post consider buying me a coffee" buttons especially on posts that take a lot of time to research/write, that if you click them take you to PayPal to donate a couple of dollars. I realize some people might find it obnoxious, but I personally find it a nice reminder that 'hey, someone put time and effort into this thing that you're enjoying' and if I really enjoyed the post it gives me that little "push" to pay for that.

Arden Leigh

Astrid - Thank you so much, that was so kind of you! <333


You made me think of a paper by Paula England, published in 2005 in the Annual Review of Sociology on Emerging Theories of Care Work that points out a few theories as to why care work, paid or unpaid, disproportionately falls on women and pays less relative to other work that demands the same set of skills. The paper covers a few different theories as to why that is, but I thought most about the “prisoner of love” framework. The "prisoner of love" theory argues that the intrinsic caring motives of care workers allow employers to more easily get away with paying care workers less.

"These emotional bonds put care workers in a vulnerable position, discouraging them from demanding higher wages or changes in working conditions that might have adverse effects on care recipients. A kind of emotional hostage effect occurs." (England 2005)

In other words, we all benefit from care, but care providers are often in a more vulnerable position due to having some altruistic motive. The good news is that this stuff is being studied more in the field of sociology and maybe mechanisms to combat the devaluation of care work will be studied too.

On a different note, it's unfortunate that the public nature of your blog posts and tweets means that others are able to benefit from reading your posts without returning the investment. I am surprised that you don't have any ads on your blog and that you don't do more sponsored posts.

Source: http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.soc.31.041304.122317

Cory Klink

Holy fuck this was life changing. I'm going to go buy your book immediately. It is absolutely time, that we as women or sex workers or humans start demanding reciprocity for unpaid emotional labor, and setting limits on how we engage with others. Fuck yeah amazing human.


I'm in love (in a non-romantic, non-sexual way lol). You've become one of my favourite authors in about 2 hrs, since I found your blog. Agree with all the posts I read so far (many)... As I'm not so good at expressing myself with words, it's amazing to find what I believe, and feel, put clearly on 'paper'. Ok, I'll go check your books now!

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