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This hookup culture often sucks too, not because of its free love ideals but because of its absolution of responsibility to one another.

This. I'm all for learning new things that give you the skills and confidence to get what you want. But relationships of any kind are about mutuality. If someone isn't investing in you to a similar degree you're investing in them, it ain't okay. The Giving Tree is a shitty story and a shitty guide to life. "You're responsible for your own feelings" isn't license to treat someone badly or benefit from a clear power imbalance and escape responsibility.


What you write totally resonates with me. I get so tired of doing all the heavy lifting on my own - where are the people who actually care about my own well-being to do the simple basics? Certainly not most of the guys I've dated. I am 29 and single for nearly five years, moved around a lot by myself, and I've had to make friends on my own, throw parties on my own, date on my own, travel on my own, struggle with work on my own. Yes, I have a lot of avenues for support, but I would really like to find someone who is capable of caring for me as well.

That said, I have never worked in a gig economy - I have always had a full-time job with benefits and healthcare, and I even make pretty good money. I went to college. I don't need to be a go-go dancer or waitress or bartender. It's cool if someone wants to do that, but they have to get that it's not an avenue for longterm stability.

Naïve Gnostic

A real Dom protects and has the Sub’s best interests at heart. The Dom must invest time and attention in the Sub to ensure their desires are met as well. It can’t be one sided. The Dom plans and the Sub serves. A good plan by a Dom accounts for the wants/needs of the Sub, helping them in their personal growth. A solid D/s relationship goes beyond sex and kink; it’s about intimacy where one is the mentor leader while the other is the devoted follower.

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