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08/19/2010

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Graydancer

"...size of my apartment..."

My mind boggled at this statement. People really get upset with you over that? It does remind me of the consistent dichotomy in the kink world where doms seem to feel that they have to be "better" than their subs in every way...except maybe the inconvenient ones like physical fitness.

Personally, I've been involved with some amazingly remarkable women, in all sorts of ways - and I always felt that the fact that someone of that stature wanted to be with me just kind of added to my own. Judge a man by the company he keeps, etc.

At the same time, I also have so many projects and connections going at once that I need someone that engaged in life. I've tried dating people who are just sort of going along with the norm...it really, really doesn't work. They quickly begin to resent the time I spend creating, working, the constant thinking and doing, because they don't feel that need.

Or, to quote a man who goes by the rather strange sobriquet of "Whipmaster Bob": "Go have a life so that I can interrupt it."

Arden Leigh

@Graydancer

No one has actually gotten upset with me over my apartment. It's more that I can see the surprise in their eyes when they walk in, sometimes accompanied by a physical reaction of literally shrinking in height. And then the questions of "Wow, do you live here alone?"

And truthfully my apartment is not really that huge. It's just bigger (and better laid-out, and more thoughtfully decorated) than what most people expect a 27-year-old upcoming author to live in, especially in my particular Manhattan neighborhood.

One particular man I dated (he was eleven years my senior) visited my apartment once and only once before he disappeared on me. When I asked him if my apartment was how he imagined it would be, he replied, "Well, it's a lot BIGGER than I pictured." That same night he wouldn't let me touch his hair in bed, and after sex, conspicuously left extra Magnum condoms on my dresser where I would be sure to spot them in the morning (as if I hadn't already seen the size of his actual genitals? and also, AFTER I had already set out condoms of my own for his use? I mean, I WAS the hostess after all. Also we all know that Magnums are the same size as regulars -- it's the MagnumXLs that are actually larger). The night I took him to dinner for his birthday was also the day I received news about my book deal, and we celebrated both. Perhaps it was a mistake on my part to share the news. Oh well.

I certainly need to date creative & engaged types as well. Where the trouble comes in is when I am dating someone who is creative and engaged but who doesn't feel that they are as successful as I am. That's when the resentment sets in, and when they need to start emphasizing things like their penis size, as though somehow it related to apartment size. (For the record he had a very nice one, and used it extremely well; I needed no convincing. It's a shame that he apparently didn't like himself as much as I liked him.)

will

what is the conceptual delineation in your mind between those who are mostly content and the one who maybe actually was completely content?

i ask this because i can see someone wanting to have sex with you but being able to marshall their efforts towards forestalling your advances because they may not want to complicate an already overloaded and mostly idyllic existence. where would such a person fall on the continuum of contentment in your mind?

now, let's assume that a target is indeed complete content in all ways, and that this state involves them passing on a clear and enticing novelty in the form of you due to a lack of time or general exhaustion from having their drive tapped on demand; they are at present having their needs met in every possible way, and those needs will continue to be met for the forseeable future, and the lack of challenge is somehow enthralling to them as evidenced by their passing of you. would it still be reasonable for them to categorize them as being completely content?

maybe some men are just afraid of you or else they are some boring motherfuckers.

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Projects are generally characterized as being the product of a few super-contributors and a mass of people who contribute some minor bits. I've heard this called the "dirty little secret of open source," the fact that most of the heavy lifting is done, not by the crowd per se, but by a few select individuals from within the crowd.

sarah lovely

You seem ridiculously arrogant. No man is going to be turned off by the size of your apartment. I'm sure that his version of the story would be quite different. Telling such a one-sided and uncompassionate version of the story just makes you look bad. There are thousands of people in better apartments than yours, in NYC alone. I'm glad you've worked hard for what you have, but really, you're not at the pinnacle of anything.

And it's very easy to seduce cripplingly insecure people. Easiest of all, actually. Not as much fun as the completely content, though, because once you win them you then have to deal with their neuroses. The completely content can also be seduced... although not always with sex, if they have plenty in their lives.

Bring back the old Arden insights, please!

pheromone advantage

I wouldn't be taking the time and effort to seduce them in the first place. Will certainly visit your site more often now.

isey

Air Jordan

Never doubt the possibilities to be,
and obstacles will never become a reality.
We create our own success you see
but only with a positive mentality. Do you think so?

JustKeepingItReal

These seem to be convenient explanations for the ones that get away or didn't find you enticing enough to take a bite in the first place. Usually, women would just say the guy was probably gay...sour grapes. According to her own summation, very few are content, so you're probably a miserable loser or cripplingly insecure if her seduction doesn't work. I'm sure that makes her feel better but that is simply a self-serving attribution.

By the way, is anyone bothered by the term "victim" and "target" in all this seduction talk. It seems to imply a certain sinister intent in the whole process. Someone's going to lose (victim) and someone's going to get what they want.

It all seems like the social engineering that precedes a confidence scam. It can certainly be used to that end. In my unfortunate relationship with one of your disciples, either literally or in spirit, I started to catch on to her manipulation and shallow intentions. She was flattered when I called her a siren, but I reminded her that it should be derogatory. Sirens lead men to their destruction and if you get off on that, you've kind of failed as a human being.

And concerning the apartment, she seems to delight in the possibility of making men "shrink" at the sight of her material wealth. My own siren was also extremely materialistic and I have never cared about material things so I couldn't be intimidated.

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Joanna

I am impressed at how most men complicate the simplest things, especially when it comes to seduction. This is due to the insecurities that many of them carry due to experiences throughout their lives and also the mental programming. I think that more important than learning techniques is to work the inside game, your self to strengthen up and become someone better and more confident.

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