A Weapon of Mass Seduction

Cooperating With My Body

On cultivating an energetic awareness of my body in order to maintain a state of flow as much as possible for the sake of maximum manifestation efficiency.

A conversation yesterday between me and my body:

Me: Body, we have funds to recoup post-album and taxes are due on Tues, we have to work today.
Body: I worked late last night and I feel awful. No going out work, I veto.
Me: Ok, there's work we can do at home. How about mapping out the curriculum for the online course?
Body: Brain is a no, she feels super intimidated. Autonomic nervous system is already having a fit at the idea.
Me: Well what would make it easier?
Body: Smaller chunks.
Me: It needs a sales page.
Body: I have no idea how to make a sales page.
Me: You sound pretty resistant. Do you need some time to process that and write about it?
Body: Yes.
Me: Do you want to make a post? It's not really the work you're supposed to be doing right now but your followers like it when you share your feelings so it won't be a waste of time.
Body: Thanks. I feel better now that I got that out. I realized I do know how to make a sales page - I just write the text, pick the photos, and then hire a web designer to do it for me.
Me: Good job! Can you write the text now?
Body: No.
Me: Why not?
Body: Because I need a better idea of the course curriculum before we can write inspired copy about it.
Me: That's fair. Well, what's keeping us from launching the new coaching website? That might attract some new people to work with.
Body: You still have a Lorem Ipsum where your blog should be.
Me: Right. Let's figure out how to fix that.
Body: You still haven't transferred the last six months' worth of deep Facebook posts to your Typepad blog and Patreon blog let alone figuring out which posts you want to transfer from your Typepad blog to your new site blog.
Me: Good point. How about we transfer those Facebook posts to Typepad and Patreon? That's mindless copy/paste work.
Body: We can do that.
Me: And then we can figure out which Typepad posts to start transferring to the new site blog, ok?
Body: You don't know how to post to the new site blog though.
Me: Chiara sent us the video on how to do it, you just haven't watched it yet. Will you just watch it before you freak out?
Body: Fine.
Me: And then we can transfer the posts to the site. And hey, when we've sifted through all the trauma-related posts that belong on it, I bet we'll have all the material to draw up our course curriculum from!
Body: That does sound like the most efficient way to approach it. You should probably start keeping track of things you think of while you're going through the posts and write your ideas down on a grid with 8 squares, one for each of 8 weeks of the course.
Me: That's a great idea. Then we can draw up the sales page, and once the sales page is posted you're going to be so proud of how pretty and professional it looks, and it's going to make so much money because you put the time and effort into creating something you could be proud of.
Body: You make a compelling argument.

Magick & Manifestation 6-week course

The 6-week Magick & Manifestation course is now available online through Teachable!

New Business Cards

My new business cards.

I realized I should probably unpack what these self-appointed titles mean to me, as they were chosen very deliberately.

Emotional artisan:

Perhaps you've heard of the concept of emotional labor, defined as "the effort that goes into noticing that people are not feeling well; asking questions and listening to the answers; anticipating needs; reminding them that they are loved and cared for; providing company; apologizing; remembering birthdays and conceiving of gift ideas; complimenting them and boosting their self-esteem; allowing them to vent and listening patiently; checking in on how they’re feeling regularly; visiting them when they are sick or lonely; and detecting changes in their mood." Yes, well - I am an emotional artisan. The word "labor" does not do justice to the level of skill, mastery, and attention to detail I achieve in all of the aforementioned categories.

Intuitive strategist:

In the work that I do in creating my reality (and in helping others create theirs), I marry my two brain hemispheres - my calculating, puzzle-solving left brain with my intuiting, gut-feeling right. In addressing any issue that arises in one's path, it becomes necessary to use the intuitive half to discern the truth of the situation (the What), and the strategic half to determine the optimal way forward (the How). By traveling back and forth between both polarities the conditions are created for alchemy - we dive in for reconnaissance, and then we arise for forward action. This is how timeline hacking and quantum growth are achieved. This is how I help others (and myself) reach their goals, and further the ascension wave sweeping the collective.

Hypersigil specialist:

The hypersigil, a term coined by Grant Morrison, is a sigil extended through the fourth dimension of time, a means of manipulating quantum reality through a work of art such as a short story, song, comic, novel, poem, or even painting or dance, so that one's intention unfolds along the lines of the narrative. I'm a magickal practitioner, but I'm also an author, a frontwoman/songwriter, a model, an art director, a creator, with an awareness of my ability to shape reality through the works I create. And I teach this skill too. So in summary: hypersigil specialist.

Captain's Log, 4.25.18

PSA: If you are a service provider of any kind, it is YOUR JOB to set your boundaries around your work. It is not your clients' job to intuit them.

It is YOUR JOB to determine what you are offering, how much it costs, what is included, and how long the container lasts. If your client pushes for more, it's your job to point out the boundary around the offering and either sell them an additional offering that meets their needs or simply say no.

This goes for sex workers too. Yes, you are currently facing deep political endangerment, and this is important to talk about. It's advisable and responsible to inform your clients of the policies that put your life at risk and give them a few simple ways to support the industry (calling their reps, signing petitions).

It is NOT advisable to sit there and tell your client how much more privilege and power he has than you because he is a white cisgender heterosexual man and how you felt pressured into playing with him longer than you had energy for because you failed to set a clear container.

YOU set the container. You're the professional. You decide when it starts and ends, how much it costs, and what will be included. If your client pressures you into more, whether consciously or just out of well-intentioned but misguided enthusiasm, it is ON YOU to enforce your boundaries.

I get it because I sucked at this when I was a pro-domme, and I often overextended myself out of scarcity mentality.

But I did not sit there and make my clients feel guilty for being white or straight or male when it was my own decision to overextend myself.

Take. Your. Power. Back.

You don't have to sell anything you don't want to. You decide how much is enough. That's your job as facilitator. Not your client's.

(If this resonates with you, I can help you with boundary work, or you can check out Katherine Bird's Healer's Process course, of which I am an alumnus, which addresses this issue effectively.)

The Re-Patterning Project

I wasn't depressed; there was a flaw in my operating system.

For years I had visited therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, psychological evaluators, and none of them seemed to know what was wrong with me besides "depression" and "anxiety." I'd maybe have a breakthrough once every six months in therapy, meaning I was paying about $3000 per insight. I tried meds, and they altered my ability to cope but never made me feel any better. The month my book was released, I sat before two stunned psychologists and listed the symptoms of borderline personality disorder asking them if perhaps I'd created an entire career and book deal as a seduction coach due to a disordered sense of danger and fear of abandonment. (They didn't have an answer for me.)

None of it helped, because none of it was accurately addressing the problem.

The problem was my OS.

My OS was running on this basic algorithm: "If I am good to people and perform at my best, I will be loved and treated well."

And the algorithm was faulty.

For my entire life, I had been overachieving, overextending, overperforming, and believing that this would keep me safe. This is why I created my own code of dating excellence, so I could always perform at my own best personal standard. I did everything I could to appear worthy. Unfortunately, this didn't yield the desired result - despite my best achievements, people weren't valuing me. In fact, many of them were purposely siphoning my energy and resources.

I was running on faulty programming.

I discovered that getting to the root of my pain and frustration meant rewiring my worldview, and to do that, I had to dig deep and ask the right questions. I had to be willing to sacrifice anything standing in the way of my well-being. And ultimately I had to choose a belief system that yielded happier results.

I tracked everything I learned during that process and I'm ready to share it with others. I can hold your hand because I've been there.

And I can promise you, it does get better.

There is a world beyond your wildest imaginings, just beyond the edge of your limiting beliefs. Let's see how many dreams we can make come true.

Join me for The Re-Patterning Project. We'll be launching registration this week, so hit me up with a message if you think this path might be for you too. (Or even if you don't think it is, but you want it to be - because we can change that belief too!)

The Re-Patterning Project

Are You Experiencing Spiritual Growth Or Are You Just Being An Asshole?

Hey friends. I'm compiling a list intended to be informative, entertaining, and healing, and I would love your contributions.

It's called Are You In The Midst Of Deep Spiritual Growth, Or Are You Just Being An Asshole?

During the course of my own deep trauma-healing journey the past two years, I experienced many incidents where I was no longer in alignment with my present circumstances, and when I ended up being distanced from many of my friends it was often difficult to tell if I was outgrowing people or just being selfish. So I started weighing my behaviors and sitting with where I was triggering people by growing vs where I was potentially wronging people in some way.

Here's a few examples:

- If you're suddenly unable to go out as often or make as many plans with friends... you're probably having spiritual growth.
- But if you promise to go out and fail to cancel plans responsibly, multiple times, until your friends deem you completely unreliable... you're probably being an asshole.

- If your friends come to you with issues about the way you're handling things in ways that affect them and cause them hurt... then you're probably being an asshole.
- But if your friends come to you with issues about the way you're handling things that are none of their business and don't affect them whatsoever... then you're just having spiritual growth.

What others would you add here? I'd like to put together a long list of these!

Sacred Sirens

I was going to wait until tomorrow to make this post, for a few reasons:

- It's currently 10pm on the west coast and I doubt this is prime Facebook engagement time
- There's still a few tiny tweaks that need to be made to the site
- I set aside tomorrow to import the last couple years' worth of blogs, so for now they're still on the Typepad page

But today is Akshaya Tritiya, the one day of the year when the sun and moon are at their most exalted, and it's an auspicious time for new beginnings... at least until 1:29am.

So I'm going to make this announcement now and then deal with the tweaks tomorrow.

Hi. I have a newly rebranded coaching business, and a new website along with it.

Check out all the options of working with me:

sacredsirens.com

Captain's Log, 4.15.18

I figured out why I am struggling to manage my bandwidth smoothly, and it's because desensitization as a byproduct of CPTSD essentially gaslights your body into believing it's not exhausted.

Earlier tonight I tweeted, "Sometimes I'm not sure whether my exhaustion is a sign that I'm hardworking or a sign that I'm lazy or not managing my time efficiently enough." One of the things that survivors of childhood trauma often face is the inability to know when we're allowed to not be ok; for those of us who were mocked for our needs or told to toughen up, we're never sure where the line is for when we need to let up, because we know we can always endure more.

In later years we cease enduring as a coping mechanism and we replace it with the holy grail of self-care, but too often self-care can become another means of perfection we're striving for, and then we beat ourselves up for not taking better care of ourselves and end up worse than where we started. We want to operate at our optimal efficiency all while understanding that our desire for optimal efficiency is burning us out.

Going into the depth of feeling required to restore this kind of sensitivity, where I know intrinsically when my body is being called to work or called to rest, and furthermore what kind of work or rest it feels called to, has been a process of deep examination and quiet. Losing sensitivity was very much like losing my hearing (which also happened to me in 2013 due to a prescribed mood stabilizer), in that in order to begin to start feeling my body again I had to tune in and listen, to cup a hand behind my ear and lean in, energetically speaking; to turn the car radio down while slowing down looking for the street numbers. I had to find the tiniest seed of sensation and then let it grow from there. I listened to music and tried to hear every single part of the arrangement individually. I started noticing the difference in taste when I baked from scratch rather than from a mix. I practiced my fine-tuning in every possible sense and modality.

It was less complicated when I just tuned everything out, but I reached a point where I was no longer willing to pay the costs accompanying that. I'm learning my body like it's been a stick shift the whole time and I've been driving automatic. The payoffs are already seeping in in ways I probably don't have to describe, but I'm looking forward to seeing what happens when I'm a black belt in myself, what kinds of things I can accomplish when I attain my own mastery.

Captain's Log, 4.14.18

#tbt #2014, to a simpler time. I had this photo taken four years ago, in a time before I had any inkling of the unconscious programming that was due for a deconstruction.

photo by Brian Richards, who gave me exactly what I was asking for at the time

This version of me didn't have the stresses of making her own decisions, because she felt that if she was pretty enough then people would keep her safe. This version of me knew she was smart, but was only interested in using her intelligence to generate more attractiveness, because that was her sole survival strategy. This version of me didn't have to worry about building a sales page on her website, because she was bypassing all her creative power into easy things like appearances and relationships.

Sometime in between four years ago and today, the me that I am today woke up in this same body and saw that all the protections her attractiveness had promised to afford her were a lie - that if anything, her attractiveness marked her as a commodity for consumption and that the people she was succeeding in pleasing weren't actually keeping her safe, but were siphoning her resources and slowly burying her.

The me that I am today is playing catch-up on so many levels she often gets overwhelmed and frightened. She turned her music project from just another means of being a hot girl into a creative powerhouse with a serious artistic vision. She's turning the halfass coaching business she never fully committed to into a legitimate sustainable enterprise with offerings she's proud of, which means learning difficult things like how to actually own and run a business, which she never had to worry about when she spent most of her time running around in lingerie. She's writing another book because she knows that's one thing she knows how to do, but she's so overwhelmed with all the other responsibilities now on her plate that she hasn't sat down to actually do it.

It's no wonder we play small, because the final admission that we are solely responsible for ourselves can be heartbreaking. All throughout growing up we are trained to learn that our survival hinges on pleasing others, and so we invest ourselves in the wrong things. No man who ever got off to my pictures ever had my best interests at heart - not even the men they were taken for, whom I supposed should have had a vested interest in my well-being. Patriarchy is a lie. But it sure was easier looking hot in a photo than it was to own my creative power, and I'm still working to turn this ship around and plug up all the leaks.

Today I'm feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how to manage my time. I'll get there of course but the lesson is that there are reasons we stay powerless for so long, because the myth that others will take care of us if we're just good enough is seductive enough to put hooks in even the smartest among us.

The New Man is Feminine

Grown-ass men are tapped into their feminine.

There is a lot of truly amazing masculine energy to be drawn from the feminine collective right now. The feminine has been taking care of everyone for so long that she's become incredibly good at being responsible and independent. She is wildly, multidimensionally competent.

So right now, the man who becomes more feminine becomes more masculine. He displays courage when he is no longer afraid of his shadow. He becomes a better caretaker, a better nurturer. He becomes more present, alert, and embodied. He takes better care of himself. He succeeds in his work even while continually attracting/attending his partner. He doesn't coast by on mediocrity and bluster; he prevails against the odds. He has attained true mastery.

The feminine took on so much burden for so long that the masculine now has to look to her example. To evolve, he has to overcome his misogyny - not only his suppression of her in her physical body, but his suppression of the feminine within him. If he's going to love her he has to be proud of her, which means he has to acknowledge her abilities and recognize their value. To meet her he must match her, he must cultivate her within himself, allowing her to model all the work she's done to get here. He has to start seeing her so he can follow her example.

And she has to give him space to let him. She has to allow herself to be seen and acknowledged, which means she has to stop disappearing herself. Which means she has to see herself.

Everything began to change once I started to see myself.

If you ask for anything, ask for that.