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07/06/2011

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CaptainScorpio

How about "gentleman companion"?

There being, of course, a continuum for "gentleman".

Arden Leigh

Youre right. Im going to start calling anyone I date a gentleman caller. :D
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jadagul

I had to deal with this issue a lot earlier in the year--I was dating someone who'd been burned by previous relationships, so the word made her nervous and for months she was really aggressively clear that we were _not_ dating. When she wasn't in the room I described her to my friends as "my not-girlfriend."

I like a solution an old friend of mine came up with better, though: "umfriend." As in, "he's my...um..._friend_". I don't think I could ever use it seriously, though.

(aside: love your blog, wish you blogged more. Found it through a link Monty Leman put up on a forum we both post in).

CaptainScorpio

I've always liked "ladyfriend" in place of girlfriend. It both indicates that there is an importance to the gender component, and give a connotation of maturity and refinement. Both of which are, I think, key to what you're looking for in this article.

Arden Leigh

@jadagul - Yeah, I've been there. My bio-dad tells a funny story about his work in financial planning: whenever one of his clients has to go through probate, they usually complain that it seems stressful and arduous. So my dad says, "Well, what if we didn't call it probate? What if we called it skippy? Would you be nervous about going through skippy?" "Oh, well, skippy sounds like it would be okay."

relationships advice

Love fails if your relationship lacks communication, it may lead to misunderstanding and misunderstanding may lead to arguments and arguments may lead to break- ups.

Laine

I think you are correct in this.... also, if you can bring back the word 'lover', that would be great, because I think that describes 'fuck buddy' pretty well but sounds more classy.

Kelly

You're obviously financially independent and I think that is the ideal situation. Unfortunately, the fact that living in NYC in your very own apartment is nearly impossible for most and health insurance is unaffordable for those who don't have traditional jobs, people's lives are more comfortable as a couple sharing financial burdens. So I believe it is primarily for financial reasons that most couples decide to be serious. It's not a natural state! Men and woman need to stop blaming themselves and start blaming the absurd cost of living.

LK

The above person is correct. I got married because I needed health insurance. I know many people who have gotten married for financial benefits.

Arden Leigh

You guys both have good points. Unfortunately I do feel your pain- I dont have health insurance either, and while my living situation is comfortable, I do choose to live with my female best friend as its more financially reasonable that way. I dont know your individual situations so I cant make any value judgments on whether getting romantically serious for financial security reasons was a good choice or not; all I can say is that everyone should weigh his or her options and do what they feel is best for them. I will also say that I have seen this trend, the topic of the blog, independent of financial issues - of course there will be exceptions to any rule and extenuating circumstances. And yes, the cost of living in NY and the situation of US healthcare are both atrocious. For me personally, I know getting married for health insurance wouldnt be the right choice, but then, not having insurance is a big risk I take (I shelled out $120 today for a mere sore throat and I often dread what would happen in a more serious incident). So, do whats right for you. And in the meantime I do think the main topic of the post bore addressing, and hopefully you got something out of it.

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Andrea

Well, what's "boyfriend", "fuckbudy" or "lover"... further than labels: love, sex, erotics.

Arden Leigh

I would posit that even the labels you name dont always correlate that way for every person.

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