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02/07/2010

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Nix Nepenthe

Thats a disturbingly sexy photo. But how in heavens name did you manage that during a performance???

Arden Leigh

There's a video of the whole thing on bodymod.tv (episode #14), but it is really gruesome. The basic story is I was ripping out sutures onstage with a seamripper and the lighting was a lot darker than I would have liked it. Who knew cheap seamrippers were capable of cutting through muscle tissue.

Nix Nepenthe

Dear Christ! I'm glad you're ok! And let me know the next time you perform.... Sounds not to be missed!

Arden Leigh

Haha thanks! Well I'm doing two shows back to back at Slipper Room tomorrow, one at 8:30 and one at 10:30. If you're around, come out for either, or both! :)

Captain Scorpio

First off, the cut is mad sexy. Okay, yes, this is from a guy who's written cannibal love poems, but still.

Second, I am so on with every word of this. Love caught me fat, coffee-stained and locked in the bathroom. I'm now treating it like zombie apocalypse: not looking for it to happen, but not gonna be caught unprepared.

Charlie

I really appreciate the Candor of this entry. Your passion for love and romance run much deeper than what most people see as (a sexy vixen bending the wills of mortal men haha). In this entry you deal with Karma, the interplay of personal and universal energy, and the integrity you strive for in confident social interaction. I would not hesitate to say that you are far more enlightened than people believe you to be (or than most people are). Highly sensitive and emotional attune, I don't think you slicing your arm opened has softened you or made you re-think your ways. You, like everyone else on the planet (whether they are MINDFUL OF IT OR NOT) are multi-faceted with the potential for great emotion capacity. Maybe people who don't understand you saying or thinking "WHAT a manipulative predator, what a heartless bitch" has effected you on a empathic level. Either way you must admit there can be no aggression without softness. No fire without water. it's a balance :) that's what makes the human experience so fascinating; so exciting!
The depth of your work continues to intrigue me! :)

Arden Leigh

@Scorp -- Haha totally! Thank you!

@Charlie -- Thanks. Yeah, I do feel a touch misunderstood at times. What a lot of people don't realize is that to devote so much time to studying seduction in the first place, you have to really love love. It's not so much that I think my arm-slice made me re-think my ways so much as just broaden my focus a bit (though admittedly it was happening even before the arm-slice incident occurred, when I was out in LA the week before). I don't think there's anything wrong with my material so much as it's just the trees, and this is the forest.

The evil predator comments have always kind of amused me. I'll use 'em, because in a way they're kinda hot, but it also shows me that whoever's saying them doesn't know much about me. At the same time, being evil is ultimately not going to be that seductive. A touch of danger, sure, but if you're really a bad person at heart, no one's going to want to be with you. There's really not even utility in it beyond facetious playful marketing language. Though as Carla Bruni-Sarkozy said, "I'd rather be called a predator than an old flea-bag. Predator -- it's not that bad for a woman."

Thanks again for all the nice words. :)

Elizabeth

Hello,

I've just recently begun reading your blog and I find it to be a rare wealth of well-written information. I was wondering if you could write a post for those who have zero experience with seduction? I find this all very intriguing, but honestly don't know where in the least bit to begin! Thank you, Elizabeth.

Arden Leigh

Wow Elizabeth, Im not sure where to start... I do have a book that will likely be coming out next year (its in talks still but looks optimistic), which details everything from start to finish.  Im not sure what you mean by begin, since I believe that seduction begins every day when you wake up in the morning, and maybe even before that, when youre still asleep.  Plus, you say you have zero experience with seduction, but thats probably not true -- we all have experience seducing people, we just might not know it.  When you were a small baby that needed to be fed, you devised a way to get your parents attention -- whether you cried, or maybe you cried and it didnt work, so you tried something else... not exactly the sexiest thought, but that was your first experience trying to get what you wanted from someone.  Since then, its all been different versions of the same thing.  Figuring out what works.  Discarding what doesnt.  Getting back on the horse and trying again.  Trying better.

Im not sure if that was helpful.  Im a little scattered and depressed today about Alexander McQueens death, so I might not be making the most sense.  But I would say just be where you are, read and learn what you can -- the information will assimilate, and youll catch up eventually.  If youd like some more personalized attention we can talk about that too, but in the meantime just be where you are and being thinking about the kind of life you want for yourself, and how to go about building it. 

Neo

What are your thoughts on using techniques like hypnotic suggestion to get someone to break up with you? This post argued that the presence of desire is what makes seduction ethical, but does a lack of desire make it okay to "un-seduce" someone?

Specifically, I don't think my girlfriend and I have a long-term future, but if I break up with her the way things are now it will leave her in a terrible state of low self-esteem. I really subscribe to the idea of "leave her better than you found her," but I'm not sure how to do that here, or whether to try and do it without her knowledge of what I'm doing.

Arden Leigh

@Neo -- I've heard stories of guys using boyfriend destroyer patterns on their own girlfriends in order to get them to break up with them. Never tried this myself, but the idea is kind of hilarious.

I don't know. The idea of doing this doesn't sound like the kind of thing I would do, not because I think it's wrong, but because I just can't be at all deceptive at that point in a relationship with someone. If anything, I am probably too blunt about why things didn't work out. I don't want any illusions when the best thing for them is to move on.

The "leave them better than you found them" thing is really hard to start doing at the end of a relationship. The person you're with should feel better off for having known you, on a grand scale -- that they're in a better place in their lives, that they're more confident, that they believe in themselves more for having seen your own belief in them, that seeing themselves through your eyes gave them the courage to live up to their own potential, that you inspired them to be the person they wanted to be, that you gave them permission to be great in the way they were always afraid to, that you supported them and their vision when they were afraid they would fail. I think if you've loved someone this way, somewhere in the backs of their minds they will always know they were better off for having known you, even if they feel hurt at being left.

The last person I dated ended things in a manner that was anything but gentle and considerate. But with him I got to live some amazing experiences, and by showing me what was possible, he gave me the courage to leave a dead-end relationship that wasn't fulfilling me. Because of that, I can say I am far better off for having had him in my life.

And by the way I am also far better off for having been in that dead-end relationship too. FAR better off. I guess I've been lucky. Or maybe I'm just able to find the utility in nearly any situation.

I think what's underlying all of this is that you just don't want to feel like a jerk. Tough. You're going to have to deal with feeling like a jerk. Let her think you're a jerk. Be a jerk. It'll make her feel better. But for crying out loud, let the poor girl find someone out there who DOES want her and stop wasting her time. Your trying to be the nice guy is really just another form of selfishness.

If you've done well by her during the time you were with her, when the hurt and anger subsides, she will still be grateful that she knew you.

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