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10/28/2009

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Scott M. Kenemore

Woah! This is pretty interesting stuff.

Another thing about dating actresses is they want to be the center of attention all the time. Like ALL the time. (I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'...)

Meli B Osorio

This sounds like the repetition class at the Atlantic...

Heather Ann Schmidt

I also studied Sanford Meisner techniques and you are right. It changes the way one relates to others. We learn to communicate with our entire bodies and become more sensitive to the inflections, expressions, body language in others.

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Daleloco

It's pretty common acting exercise. I've done it a few times myself, it is rather surprising where things can go, even when you aren't pushing it.

Meisner is "acting truthfully in imaginary situations." So you're working with what you have in a believable manner.

Now, I have little doubt you can seduce, that's usually not a problem for a pretty girl with any measure of confidence. But can you sustain a relationship? Seducing your entire life would seem a tiring affair and it wouldn't seem to deal too well with money matters. Perhaps you've already covered this somewhere, I'll admit I haven't read your entire blog. But then you're young, who really cares anyway, you have lots of time to have fun, and you should.

Arden Leigh

@Daleloco -- Wow, this is a kind of ironic comment right now, even though I can definitely see where you're coming from and why you would ask. So no offense taken, and I'll be happy to answer you genuinely. :)

I just recently left my longest relationship, which lasted four and a half years. So yes, I can indeed sustain a relationship for a long time. Though at the moment I am not looking to do that again anytime soon. :) I mean hey, if it happens, it happens... but I'm kind of excited about not having a boyfriend for a little while. I'm enjoying the freedom of being able to see multiple people and to not be accountable to one person for my actions. I'm sure someone will come along and change my mind at some point, but for now, this feels good.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by money matters. In my ideal world, seduction takes place from a point of self-sufficiency and generosity, so I make it my business to support myself fully, reach financial success independently (I'm by no means rich but we'll say I'm not doing so bad for someone in her mid-twenties), and channel that cash flow into creating a stable, peaceful home environment into which I can potentially bring a target, with extra cushioning for doing exciting things that happen to cost money (nice dinners, spa visits, weekend trips... not saying I'm a sugar mama, but I like to treat people on special occasions -- hopefully they do the same for me, but that's not the point so much as it is about simply creating peak experiences for you and your target to share, and while it's most graceful to hide the cost element involved, let's face it, many of those things do cost money to do, so it's nice to have some expendable cash for those occasions).

Perhaps you think that a continual life of seduction would mean jumping from man to man for support? This would stand entirely against what I believe in (though so many feel that gaining financial support is the main utility of seduction, so I wouldn't blame you for making the assumption). I believe in creating a life and a world that is self-sustaining, and that is moreover compelling and magnetic, and which will bring into it those people I'm attracted to. I'm making the movie, and you're up for the role. Basically. :)

The further irony in this discussion is that three and a half years into my aforementioned last relationship, the man I was with, who was previously my equal in financial success, lost everything and needed me to loan him most of my savings to get him out of a bad spot. I did. And then I supported him for a year while he tried to get back on his feet. And the inequity that this caused eventually killed the attraction in our relationship, and that sucked a lot, and it's why I ultimately had to part ways with him -- because I can't live a life devoid of attraction.

So for me, it was not a life of seduction but rather sustaining a relationship that didn't deal too well with money matters.

But because of this experience, I've also learned how leeching off a target financially will kill just about any seduction. It might be fun to play house for a few months and make some man feel like he's the mighty rescuer, but it gets old real fast, believe me. I don't ever want to be in that position, on either side of the equation.

So in summary, the better my money matters are all on their own, the more they can remain completely out of the seduction equation.

Unless some guy is intimidated by the fact that I'm 27 and I live in a nice Manhattan apartment with real furniture. In that case, I can't help him. :)

Melissa Blundell Osorio

"Unless some guy is intimidated by the fact that I'm 27 and I live in a nice Manhattan apartment with real furniture. In that case, I can't help him."

Oh no! Please tell me there is a seductive tactic to deal with this. I feel that my main target is somewhat intimidated by what I have accomplished. At the very least, my success just highlights what he himself has not accomplished. (We are both in our early twenties, so success at this stage is defined as having your own place, living independently.)

I don't hold his perceived lack of success against him. I like that he has the ambition and it just happened that I was in a situation where it was not an option for me to live with family – I had no choice but to live on my own. But this, combined with preexisting self-esteem/self-worth issues I think just makes him feel bad when he’s around me. Which is NOT GOOD. And despite my efforts to validate him, I think he just doesn’t feel like he’s my equal.

So, my questions is, is there a way to seduce someone if they don't feel that they're good enough?

Arden Leigh

Ugh... I am working on it, believe me! Haha! Actually maybe this would be a great thing for us to game out together.

Part of me says that guys who are intimidated by our quality of living are weeding themselves out and so much the better. I get really frustrated when a guy gets weird about my spoiling him from time to time -- a relationship is just not worth having if I can't go to the mall and think about what I might buy him in the men's clothing department. And that's all about what *I* get out of it, by the way -- not at all about buying over my target.

But part of me also knows that we want the guys we're attracted to, and we don't want them to weed themselves out.

I think James would pipe in here and say that the best strategy would be to offer him, in an indirect manner, the way toward his own success. I don't mean to do that by supporting him financially or physically making career moves for him, both of which would be emasculating. It's rather that you believe in him, and that you reflect back to him a mirror image of his future self where he is already on the road to achieving his goals. You act as though it is obvious that all this is going to happen for him, and when he's around you, he starts to believe it.

You also have to make sure that your validating doesn't come off as condescending. Rather than go out of your way to make him feel good, just operate within the frame that you both already know how awesome he is. "You're so _____... but surely you must know that already" -- and then playfully bust his chops for it a bit.

You can also make sure he knows that he has a lot to offer you that isn't financially related. Do things together that don't cost money, find things to do where you are on equal ground. Go a step further and do things where he is allowed to be the expert. I don't know the guy, but say he's an art student... go to a museum and let him lecture you on the artists whose work you see.

I don't know. I feel like I've taken this strategy before and the seduction didn't play out in the way I wanted it to, but since there were a lot of other messed-up factors happening, I can't say that it was this strategy that made it go wrong either. There were a lot of variables at play and ultimately it was impossible to tell which one tipped the scale in the wrong direction. I wish I knew.

But try this out for me and then let me know how it goes. I expect a full report! ;)

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If you weren't getting your cap, you knew that you had to try something else, something different, and you kept trying new tactics until you finally got your partner in the state where you wanted them. After that, all you had to do was to maintain it.

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